Things to make you go ‘I do’.

A revelation: the most important thing about weddings

Wedding revelation

This week, we’ve been thinking a lot about weddings.

That probably sounds weird, considering our livelihoods are based around them. But, as with any profession, it’s important to occasionally have a good, hard ponder about why you do what you do, and not let the day-to-day blur your purpose. Today was that day of contemplation.

It was sometime this afternoon with a cuppa on the couch that something dawned on us. We realised what the most important thing about weddings was.

Ready for it? The most important thing about a wedding is that you do in fact, get married.

Sign the papers.

Seal the deal.

“I do” it.

Legally get bound.

It’s a realisation so bleedingly obvious it hurts. And here’s why it’s important.

Everything else, both before and after you sign those papers, is just a bonus (and a pretty big one). All the laughter, tears, story-sharing, eating, drinking and dancing are just big, fat cherries on top of what is otherwise, a pretty simple exchange involving a couple of signatures.

When you really get down to it, getting married is pretty basic. Yet, so many couples (us included – we’re definitely not immune), have moments of getting hung up on the details. There’s a lot of pressure to make it the best day ever, which means stressing about all the could-a/would-a/should-a things.

We’re not going to pretend like these things don’t matter – in fact, all the elements (like the venue, the styling, the food, etc) are the things that make the day special and memorable and YOU.

But I guess what we’re trying to say is that at the end of the (big) day, if you do in fact ‘get married’ in the legal sense of the words, then you should be stoked. Whether it was sunny or belting down with rain, whether the day’s proceedings stayed on schedule or everything ran late, whether the tables were set just as you planned or someone went styling-schitzo, you committed to sharing your life with the best person you know and you made it official. That’s seriously the. BEST.

We get what it’s like to be in the throes of wedding planning. Ahem, me in January: It’s just a pair of shoes, why am I spending three fucking months deliberating this? Noone will see them anyway, they’ll be under the damn dress. On one hand, you want to make sure you’re making the right decisions about All Of The Things, and on the flipside, you want to use your other hand to slap yourself for caring so much about seemingly trivial stuff. It’s all normal, let us assure you.

Just know, at the end of the day, it all melts away and the only thing that matters is you, that person, and that flimsy certificate (did you know the piece of paper you sign on the day isn’t even your real marriage certificate? You have to apply for the government-recognised version later on after the wedding! Ask your celebrant for all the dets).

Be kind on yourself bridechillas, and feel welcome to return here anytime you feel yourself sweating the small stuff more than you feel like you should. Have a great week ahead.



Looking for more honest-to-goodness wedding advice? We’ve got stacks to share right here

14th June, 2015

Leave a comment


  1. You are quite right, it’s easy to lose sight of the main issue here – becoming legally married.

    In a recent survey, 74% of brides said that the most important thing that happened on their wedding day was their marriage ceremony.

    The engine room for the wedding day is the marriage ceremony itself. It is the opening act and sets the tone for the whole day.

    I like to think that we are putting on a show – a show about the bride and groom giving social recognition to a marriage that already exists.

    I am a marriage celebrant, and my experience is that everybody wants to have the “Wedding of their Dreams” and on most occasions, as you describe, everything is planned down to the last letter…………except the content and the words of the ceremony itself.

    That would be the same as putting on a stage show, organising the venue, the actors, and the costumes, and going live for your one and only performance, without a script.

    Yes, I know, a facsimile of church service with the inevitable reading of St Paul’s letter to the Corinthians suits some people, but is that what modern couples, the couples who subscribe to WedShed, really want?

    By contrast, some marriage celebrants are creating ground breaking ceremonies that are making modern traditions in Australian marriage ceremonies.

    These ceremonies are beautifully crafted, and they are characterised by their ability to turn the wedding guests in the audience to a wonderful show about the bride and groom, their love for each other, their love of their friends and families, and their dreams for the future.

    The wedding guests become participants, rather than just witnesses to the marriage ceremony.

    On another note, marriages are always political situations. A cleverly crafted marriage ceremony can take the pressure off the bride and groom and give them a smooth ride on the day.

    Political situations can be as simple as “how do we handle the cranky religious (but rich) aunt who thought we should get married in a church, and still stay in her will?”, to what if the bride does not want to be given away by her father, or what to do about divorced parents or siblings who can’t stand each other.

    My advice to brides and grooms is to take control, don’t assume that the sparkles and bling will deliver the result.

    Get professional advice from a celebrant who you can trust to deliver at this level of professionalism.

    Have some serious conversations about what you must achieve on your wedding day, and how the engine room for the day, the marriage ceremony itself, can deliver that result.

    You’ll find that the bridegroom, who glazes over when the discussion turns to what shoes the bride should wear, will suddenly take a renewed interest in what is happening around him – and so he should.

    Good luck,

  2. Great article! There is nothing worse that seeing a bride or groom stressed on their wedding day. My advice is plan, plan, plan and then whatever does not get done by the night before, let it go, because it’s definitely not worth it. It’s nice to have a vision and achieve that vision but it’s important to remember what really matters- that you are marrying the person you love in front of your nearest and dearest. If you choose the right celebrant (me!), you and your guests will laugh and you will cry. You will have all the good wedding feels. Don’t under-estimate the importance of a good celebrant to take you on that journey.!!

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