The Ultimate Wedding Speech Guide

Key Takeaways

• You don't have to be a "writer" or a "speaker" to nail your wedding speech. Or a comedian (funny wedding speeches are fine but not necessarily right for everyone).
• If you're going to have speeches at your wedding, make sure both sides of the couple are represented in them.
• Consider how nervous you (or any of your chosen speech-givers will be) and get them done early if they're going to impact on anyone's enjoyment of the day.
• Follow the BRAVO method for a failsafe, frickin' amazing speech.
• Make sure you take this opportunity to truly dote on your VIPs and other half. Think about Maya Angelou's quote: "At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel." This couldn't be more true here - be super generous.
• Remember it's not a roast. If you're unsure about whether a comment or anecdote will be well-received, leave it out.
• Take the pressure down. The wedding industry uses an excessive amount of hyperbole (something we touch on here) and while wedding speeches are important, we're not saving lives.

The Ultimate Wedding Speech Guide

Wedding speeches. Let's chat.

The idea of writing and delivering a wedding speech is something that not a lot of people love. Generally, it's because:

A) They have a fear of public speaking (a phobia that statistically affects 75% of the population).

B) The pressure (real or not) to deliver a speech that feels worthy of the moment is overwhelming.

Maybe it's both. The point is, feeling nervous about writing and delivering a wedding speech isn't unusual - it's normal. But the other truth about wedding speeches that isn't often touted is how incredibly rewarding the experience can be.

Think about it. How often do you get the chance to tell all your biggest influences what they mean to you? How they were instrumental in getting you to this point in your life. Probably never.

Your wedding day is a unique opportunity to publicly proclaim your love for not only your partner but your closest allies too (read: friends, family and friends that feel like family) and one that we encourage people to grab onto with both hands.

If you do have it in you to share a few kind words about the loved ones in your life, here are our tips on how to do it.

Listed below are the points we'll be expanding on that will ensure you nail your wedding speech.

• Who delivers speeches at weddings?
• When to do wedding speeches
• How to manage public speaking nerves
• A top tip for the most speech-phobic
• How long should they go for?
• Do's and Don'ts
• Wedshed's Speech-writing Guide

Who does speeches at weddings?

Typically, there are several speeches that happen at weddings:

• Parental representation from one side of the couple (e.g. the bride's mum and/or dad)
• Parental representation from the other side of the couple (e.g. the groom's mum and/or dad)
• Leading member of the wedding party from one side of the couple (e.g. maid of honour/joint bridesmaid speech)
• Leading member of the wedding party from the other side of the couple (e.g. best man/joint groomsman speech)
• Individual speeches by the couple/joint speech by the couple

You might have more, you might have less, depending on your family dynamic. What's important though, is that both sides of the couple are represented in the speech breakdown. This is a particularly important point for parents who, good intentions aside, have a tendency to talk only about their child rather than the couple.

Order of speeches at weddings

This is 100% up to you! Some couples prefer to bang them out fast and dirty - get them done as early as possible so that everyone is free to relax. If you're going to do this, it's important that each speaker has a strict time limit so that guests aren't subjected to an hour-long love and history lecture to sit through.

Most couples choose to stagger the speeches throughout the event to break it up in two or three lots, meaning there are injections of warm fuzzies across the day/night.

Here's a typical timeline of when speeches will be delivered. For the sake of the example, we're going to use a seated meal style party, bride and groom and a traditional wedding party dynamic, but just adapt this to your love story.

• Parent's speeches: as wedding reception begins - when guests are first seated (before entree)
• Maid of honour/best man speeches: After entree served
• Bride and groom's speeches: After mains served

How to manage public speaking nerves

Here are the things we've always found helpful to think about when it comes to managing nerves around wedding speeches:

• You know every single person that's there. You're talking to friends and family, not delivering a corporate presentation. This means you get to be 100% yourself - there is ZERO pressure!
• Know that your speech doesn't have to be an epic monologue - it can be short, sweet and even be more of a toast.
• By practicing your speech over and over again in front a mirror, it's amazing how much more comfortable and confident you will feel when it comes time to delivering it.
• If you stumble, who gives a crap? You're human and you're not expected to have an undefeated-debating-team delivery. This is an emotional moment and people adore seeing real vulnerability - it makes them feel more connected to that person.
• 99.9% (we would say 100, but we're conservative) of people who deliver a wedding speech come away saying that it was actually damn good fun. And that they felt fricking amazing afterwards. Look forward to that feeling.

A top tip for the most speech-phobic

If you know that your enjoyment of the day will be severely curtailed by the fact you've got to deliver a speech, then get it done earlier. You want to be fully present for your day, not dreading one small moment of it. Just rip the bandaid off and enjoy the party. Also, you don't HAVE to speak! Your partner could do a speech on behalf of both of you - that is absolutely fine too.

How long should they go for?

No longer than five minutes per person. As the bride/groom, yours can be a little longer if you want but it doesn't need to be.

Do's and don't's

We're coming at this for you from the perspective of the bride/groom. The subject matter of speeches for your parents/bridesmaids/groomsmen will of course be different - for them but many of the rules below still apply.

DO:

• Be generous and make anyone mentioned in your speech feel f*cking amazing with your kind words. Love them up.
• Use your own language. Don't feel like you need to sound overly articulate or professional - this is a chance to speak authentically as yourself, so leave the thesaurus on the shelf. Imagine you're talking to a good mate and use that kind of language.
• Practice, practice, practice. By rehearsing your speech, you'll feel comfortable and confident.
• Make eye contact with your guests. This is made easier by adopting the previous pointer - practicing your speech. You don't need to know it off by heart but you don't want to be looking down at a piece of paper the entire time.
• Know what you want to say. Think you want to just get up there and do it off the cuff? Don't. At the very minimum, have dot-points to refer to so you don't head off down a tangent or forget about someone or something important that you want to mention.
• Give due focus to your partner. We've seen speeches where the partner was only delegated a final couple of parting comments at the end. They are what this whole shebang is all about! So make sure they're duly lavished in your speech.
• Keep it light-hearted and inject some humour if that's in your wheelhouse. You can of course be sentimental too. You want the speech to have warmth and love.
• Write it down. Even if you've memorised your wedding speech, having it written down on a piece of paper, some speech cards or a device is wise. Just remember if you do use a device to turn the screen light down (otherwise the uplight will illuminate your face like you're about to tell a ghost story).

DON'T's

• Don't roast people. This is not a 21st speech. You can of course poke playful fun but don't humiliate people.
• If you're uncertain if a joke will land in the right way, err on the side of caution and leave it out. This isn't the time.
• It's almost too obvious to include but anything that could be construed as racist, sexist or discriminatory in any form deserves no place in your wedding speech. Be careful when talking about cultural subjects unless you are supremely confident that it'll be received in good humour.
• Leave out profanities or jokes that go down offensive lines.
• Steer clear of sexual innuendo. Or expect that every one of your guests will be imagining that sexual act happening. Probably not what you want.
• Don't mention any ex-partners or personal failings of any kind. There's zero need.

Wedshed's Speech-Writing Workshop

We've listened to a lot of speeches. And we've written many ourselves - both in a wedding and professional sense. And we've cracked a formula that will ensure that you deliver a speech that's heartfelt, authentic and memorable. We promise you'll have people congratulating you at the end of it.

We call it the BRAVO method and it's a key part of our Speech Writing Workshop. If you want to learn how to write an incredible wedding speech using a step-by-step method in just an hour, walk this way.

A lot of love went into creating this workshop for a few reasons, including:

A) We've been in your shoes (read: mentally crapping our dacks at the thought of writing our own wedding speech).

B) We Google searched "how to write a wedding speech" and knew that creating this workshop was for the greater good (same can be said for "vow writing" but that's another story).

C) We genuinely want people to enjoy this part of the wedding journey. This workshop takes the pressure down (wine is encouraged), eliminates any confusion about what to write and most importantly, explains why you don't need to be a "writer".

Do I need to have speeches?

Of course not! Like most wedding stuff, it's not obligatory and entirely up to you. If you're really uncomfortable to speak in front of your wedding guests, it's okay to pass the mic over to someone else or to ditch the tradition of wedding speeches altogether. While it's usually expected who's to say you absolutely need them? Not us.

The delivery

Here are our top tips on delivering a speech that makes you look old-hat at it.

• Stay calm
• Shoulders back
• Take a deep breath before you begin
• Act confident - even if you don't feel it
• Practice a power pose beforehand (out of sight of guests) if you want to (stand tall, legs apart, hands on hips, head up and shoulders back and breathe deeply for 30 seconds. There's some seriously magic physiological shiz that happens when you hold this pose that science has proven)
• Make eye-contact
• Anchor yourself if you think it'll help steady you - stand behind a table or makeshift lectern, hold onto a microphone stand
• Smile! People will smile back at you
• Take your time. There's no rush. If you lose your place, don't panic. Just make a joke of it: "Fortunately for everyone, you all get an opportunity to have a sip of your drinks while I try and regain my place in this speech".

Final thoughts

At the end of the day, a great wedding speech isn’t about perfection - it’s about connection. It’s about taking a moment to honour the people who’ve shaped you and celebrate the love that brought everyone together. Whether you say a few heartfelt words or bring the house down with laughs, if you speak from a place of sincerity, you really can’t go wrong.